We drove to Dillard’s and my buddy bought a green shirt. I bought a blue one with a white collar because I was curious about that kind of thing. The dude checking me out wasn't having any of my shit, trying to tell a joke, no response, tried to be friendly, no response, shut the fuck up, "now you have a safe day sir".
we're back at his place and he ask me to help clean, so I kind of help for a few minutes and then I pretty much droped everything to talk to his roommates girlfriend. I had never really had a conversation with her. but we seemed to chat it up while she was lying there in bed. She was a very pleasant person. I walked away after a bit and passed out...
Many hours later… I awoke to the heavenly smell of marinated steak and roasted potatoes, having only eaten a small sandwich the night before I was ravenous. I ate like enough for 6 people, and then I feel like I took another nap and got ready maybe??? I don't know...
I'm walking down the stairs and this girl jumps because I didn't know I was there and that’s when I first meet Deuce Knuckles, the pretty Cuban girl who likes it two knuckles deep, or so they say. Deuce Knuckles and her cousin were already there I came down looking like a million bucks as usual, and soon after Rachel and her dude got there. I started pounding a new drink I invented/stole called the lucky leprechaun.
Lucky leprechaun
White rum
Midori
Mint bitters
Pineapple juice
To say the least it was pretty amazing in the spirit of saint paddy himself.
We drank a few at the house and sit on the porch for a while like it was summer of something I'm sure the alcohol knocked it up like an extra 5 degrees. This small child kept riding his scooter back and forth through the street and I kept calling him Opie and I'm guessing he didn't like that because he started yelling his name whatever it was, to me he was Opie…
We we're about to call a taxi for the bar when one of the ladies spoke up and said "I can drive" which are magical words to any drunk especially on saint Patrick’s day. I have Deuce Knuckles put my seat belt on and we're chatting it up in the back seat, and for the record she was very sweet. We make it to Molly Malone’s and I immediately take off and go do my thing. I met Sarah Jessica Parker within 10 minutes of being there, she takes a picture with me gives me a kiss and introduces me to her sister. Again I'm on the move I meet a ton of people on my rotation around the bar. Met another guy that looked like John Coffee and another guy from Morocco bought me a drink for some reason. I even had my very own drink girl on the second floor; she would search me out to take my drink order of course I guess that is her job. I even ended up on the news Saturday night. My buddy ask me if I got any phone numbers on my rounds around the bar and I said nope, and he ask me what the point was, and I really didn't know. He summed it up best when he said I was like a honey bee with no hive. But it was a great time.
We make it back to the house at like 3am and my buddy's roommate’s girlfriend ask me if I wanted a grilled cheese sandwich and in a drunken stopper I nod and go "uh huh" and she fixes the best cheese sandwich I've ever had in my life, I'm one bite in when she ask me if I wanted ketchup and I look at her and say "I've never tried it like that before" she puts some ketchup on my plate. IT…WAS…HEAVENLY to say the least. The rest of the night is kind of a blur.
I wake up at 8:30 still a little intoxicated and I have 40 snap chats from one girl who is begging me to come over and see her the whole time I'm there. I'm thinking I'd like to but I need to sober up, but then I get the news there is a snow storm on the way so I have to roll out as soon as I wake up for the second time. she keeps sending me these snap chats with blank screens and saying how pissed off she is at me and I'm thinking:
#1 we're not dating
#2 send me a nip pic and I'm more likely to stop by…
So I drive home and as soon as my face hits my couch I'm out for a good 15 hours of sleep to bring to an end the great saint paddy's celebration of 2014.
P.S.
Also if you have a linger pic of me from any of the saint paddy’s celebrations over the years please let me see… I'm the Zach Galifianakis look alike in a white suit coat and a badge hanging around my neck that says "show me them titties".
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