Lee Ann

not gonna lie I'm running pretty ragged today. This past weekend didn't stop. I ended up hitting up the movies on Friday night with my buddy, it was the new Liam Neeson. The movie wasn't really what I expected but I'm really glad it wasn't, it's worth the watch if you ask me, it's a thinker with a lot less action, and that's all I'm going to say. We ended up going back to my house and talking about women with our other buddy long into the night sitting on my back porch.

Morning comes pretty early for me. I've got a motorcycle ride coming up at noon but I couldn't sleep past 9am even thought I'm tired as can be. I run a few errands, and I end up getting the most pitiful phone call a few minutes after I roll out "dude??? are you still gonna go with us today???" (guy is almost in tears), and I respond with a "yep, just doing a few things first". So we end up going on our 200 mile horse farm ride which is one of my favorites. so we're out for like 5 hours. As soon as I roll back home my dad is waiting for me in the drive way to go to a hillbilly concert which I'm already way too warn out to think about but I ended up going anyway. I learned on thing about myself that night I've really gotten away from my white trash roots. drunk rednecks grinding on each other as far as the eye could see, and I was a sober as the pope. a brewski would have helped tremendously, but my grandmother was there and I'm not really one to drink in front of my family. So after we leave that cluster fuck I get home and crawl into my couch at 2am and asleep by 4am.

7am rolls around and I crawl back off my couch get a shower and clean my truck out. I'm on the road by 8:30am rolling down the interstate to pick up my friend Lee Ann, a lovely little blue eyed red head with a similar disposition as me in life. I drove to her house to pick her up for the renaissance fair. So I've got my phone out trying to find her house texting and doing that whole number and she peeks her head out of her house and runs and jumps in my truck, she's wearing this pretty blue dress with a gray cardigan (such a pretty girl). FYI this is my first time meeting Lee Ann we met on Match sometime back and we've been texting it up, I've only met a hand full of girls from online dating, it's really not my thing, but when some of the conversations I've had with her I really wanted to meet her.

So as I drive north I'm getting to know Lee Ann in person and I have to admit she's a real hoot. we're chatting it up about my weird little life and our dispositions about working our lives away and travel. Just really good conversation, the kind you can't have with a college freshman these days. I have to admit it was sooooo refreshing. It takes us a good hour to drive north and we almost get killed twice, some crazy ass was driving on our side on one of the back roads we were on, and again when I was merging on to the interstate I saw a plan landing and my dumb ass is all like "the plane, the plane" and a simi comes barreling past us. I shit myself and started laughing like an idiot.

We get to my buddies house and apparently they didn't even know I was coming they just happen to pull in the same time I did, and we all just pile in the car and head north again for another hour or so.

I've never been to a renaissance fair before this one. So I'm a giddy little giggle box because I'm all excited and stuff. As soon as we walked though the gate there was small girl in elf ears trying to see us a rock\candle (not the kind of thing that I can't live with out) and Lee Ann and myself are just trying to simply trying to turn her down nicely, well the girl looks at us and says in an angry voice "If you would stop and look at something you might enjoy it" and I'm standing there thinking did I just hear her correctly??? Shocked to say the least, but we keep walking. I feel like all four of us have a little bit of a culture shock going on because we're not use to this folks. We're all walking slowly up this hill kind of taking everything in and I see these tombstones on the left and I say out loud "kind of reminds me of pirates of the Caribbean" and about this time this calypso looking girl walks by and starts giggling all weird like, even though it wasn't about her I let her have it anyway.

My buddy's girlfriend buys this turkey leg and it smells just like baked ham, so I start yelling ham hock like an idiot. I kept looking at some of the smaller venders and I keep thinking how shady they are, like the corn dog girl all laid out on her booth hiking her leg up, I'm thinking nothing personal I just don't really want a corn dog from this lady, and another thing she had coolers not a deep fryer, so it's pre-made corn dogs, no thanks... Also they had some weird names for some of their food like the Italian Stallion, I mean is this something you have to go behind the food shack to finish receiving??? although I did buy one, I had cheese added to mine and I was thinking "Oh yea their gonna lay a slice of cheese on here let it melt in real nice" Nope... they took the nacho cheese out of the gallon and poured it directly onto my Stallion. So I'm eating with Lee Ann talking to this other couple sitting in the shade with us with cheese sauce all over my hands, in my beard, even all over my nose, I had one napkin and I had a system I was gonna make my mess and then clean up, but needless to say I looked like an 8 year old who couldn't quite find his mouth. Oh and the boy band, there was this little group of pre-teens at the food venders singing Africa by Toto and I'm thinking how do they even know that song??? but it was so weird because they were dancing their little hearts out singing like the kid who didn't know the words in church just lip sinking and whispering what they thought the words were. I needed a beer by this point so I walked up to get one. I'm standing at the beer booth with Lee Ann and this what might have been a lady came out of the back and I just told her I wanted the biggest thing they had, and she'll looking at me like an idiot along with everyone else saying "I don't understand" I was just thinking maybe they had a half gallon container I could buy to take the edge off but no... well anyway I get this plastic cup of beer and I see it... Five o'clock shadow, I look at Lee Ann and she looks at me and I mean we're just giggle boxing it up.

we walk back to this "sword fight" comedy show, and they are kind of ripping off the three stooges, then they go in this whole act of pulling guys out of the stands and teaching them how to win a women's heart and when they got to the part of how to stand properly I could hear my buddy cracking up across the audience because they we're teaching the guys to stand the same way I stand normally with my hands on my hips and my chest out, so that was that.

Lee Ann and myself were walking along and I see this little girl crying in the grass by herself looking around and I stop and look at Lee Ann and say "you recon that little girls lost" and she walks over to her and ask her where her mommy was and she ended up being lost, so I'm standing behind her and the little girl kind of looking around for some frantic parents, there is this big guy in costume standing there and a few minutes into the ordeal he says he's going to go radio someone to come help so he leaves Lee Ann and myself with the little girl and Lee Ann is trying to figure out somethings about the little girl like her name and her moms name and stuff like that, then here comes the big guy back, he looks at us and says "yea... we've got a lost and found up front we'll that her too" and I'm thinking did I just here lost and found come out of this guys mouth. Then the "security" walks up three dudes and they bend down and get in the little girls face speaking all official, and I can only assume what's going though her head the whole time probable scared shitless if I had to guess. Then I heard this lady bellowing across the yard "Kimberly?!?! Kimberly!?!?" and I'm guessing it was her family. Not gonna lie I kind of understood why she got lost after that, and then I wondered maybe she meant to get lost...

We keep walking around the park and we ended up seeing the best mullet in central Ohio wearing a t-shirt that said "Ride it hard and put it up wet" classyness... then there was Robin Williams, the dude in the show looked just like Robin Williams, sounded just like Robin Williams, and even acted just like Robin Williams. It was a tad odd to say the least. then there was the reappearing butt crack, I kept tapping my buddy's girl friends arm every time it appeared and I was point at it. Then we saw this guy that looked like Marshall Applewhite from that haven's gate cult thing, and he starts making a sandwich as part of his show and I start yelling don't eat it because it's probable like the koolade... Lee Ann and myself go to get a couple beers and this old woman looks at me and says "that's an awful nice shirt to wear to a place like this, look you've already got a stain on your tit, you should go buy one of those leather braziers that push those tits up" and I'm thinking "damn lady I'm not sure what's happening here I really just wanted a beer, and I get a cheap shot at my man tits"...

We make our way over to the Jousting tournament, not gonna lie that was down right cool. the dude announcing the tournament starts talking like Conan because it's barbarian day, and we watch the guys get put in the armor and the one jousting for our side of the arena ask for a random bottle of stranger water lying on the ground and took a big drink out of it, and that really just kind of weirded me out, and then I kept saying "damn I could really go for some stranger water". It was a lot of fun the watch the dudes hit each other though, I bet their really sore after every match.

On the way out I see this guy carrying a sheep, and he was wearing a robe with leather sex toys strapped to him which really weirded me out a little more, and then I had this though, I wonder how many of those people were sex offenders. The more I thought about it that was no place for anyone under 18.

So we roll back south to my buddy's house and hang around for a few minutes, then Lee Ann and myself roll out and I'm thinking "lets go to union terminal I bet she'll really enjoy that" so we go back across the river and I get turned around for a few minutes down some of these little shitty alleys and when I finely do get back on track I get behind this big rig and this white car pulls up behind it and the stops at about the front of my truck and rolls his window down and starts looking back at us with the same face as David Chappelle as Tyrone Biggums, and the dudes are waving at us trying to get us to follow them up this alley. I'm thinking the whole minute and a half "fuck me I try to do something cool and the one time I try I'm gonna get shot in the face by Tyrone Biggums... Fucking sweet". So they turn up the alley with their arms out the window motioning us and I go so straight of course, and I was really just waiting for them to come back and try something and then I would have to get my breaker bar from under my seat and pretend to be bat shit crazy so they would leave. Thank god they kept going.

We finely park and I could really see her eye light up. It really made me feel nice to see someone thank as much of that place as I did. we took us a little stroll around the fountain, and I'm not going to lie I really wanted to wrap my arms around her and hold her tight I could tell she was cold but I don't think it was right for that just yet. So we got back in the truck and started rolling south as I was looking for Tyrone Biggums. we chatted it up the whole way back to her place, talking about food, and life, up to the point where I was almost too tired to speak any more, I dropped her off and told her how nice it was to have met her, and she stood outside and watch me drive away as she was waving from the garage, Not gonna lie I really enjoyed that. 

As I drove back to my home I kept thinking about Lee Ann took care of that little lost girl and I loved it, even right now I still can't seem to get it out of my mind, such a good women to take care of that little girl like that. Its not often I get the butterfly's these days but I have to admit I might be a little smitten with this girl and it feels good to feel something like that again...

Comments On: Myth Of the Alpha Male Podcast

I made the mistake of listing to people drilling the "Alpha Male" life style and it's true it is just an excuse to be an ass. I started my little journey many years ago as a kid from the country that was basically modern Amish, the real world didn't exist to me, I never had a problem in my young life. I was taking college courses when I was 16 I was nice to everyone and I was very quite, and for some reason I was under the impression if I said the world sucks or anything worse I was going straight to hell. When I was 19 I met a girl who gave me attention and we ended up getting married when I was 20. I found out quickly it wasn't for me by 21 and was divorced by 22. I was lost I had no real personality because I had missed the opportunity to find myself when I was younger. I ended up playing a major game of what I thought was catch up, I ended up watching all this pick up stuff, and all I wanted was women and lots of them. This is when I wondered into the Alpha Male women love ass holes mind set.

I do believe some women love ass holes but then again other women love nice guys, and another subset love something else, I personally know a girl who's in to Amish men... As long as you true to what you are someones going to be attracted, I've saw lots of weirdo's that have all kinds of luck just because they don't have the need to change themselves. I went though and am still in my ass stage, I read all the material I could get my hands on about what women liked and that lead into me trying to change myself. I didn't feel good enough for anyone, of course I was still recovering from a divorce that I was terribly embarrassed \ ashamed of. I started out as the nice guy right after I separated from my wife, and later that year as I was saving up the money for my divorce I got scammed by a friend Dick for 1400 hundred bucks (lots of cash for a guy like me) that I was going to use for my divorce money. I grew a little bitter with the world during this period.
For a time I felt that everyone was judging me about my divorce and everyone just waned to take me for everything I was worth. My mind set had went from good ol boy to fuck them before they fuck me. I turned into the biggest jerk in the building where I worked. People started to avoid me out of fear of what mean thing I might say to them.

It's 6 years later now and I'm still working my way out of that Alpha Male ass stuff. I've always been kind of an intimidating guy I assume, very serious, never really ever shy but I was always quite (I am and always have been a listener), great sense of serious humor, I've always had an ego bigger than life. The main thing I've had trouble with is reputation, once it's changed into what it is it's extra hard to change it to what it really should be.

I guess my words of wisdom is don't give in to the bullshit, just be you, self improvement is one thing, changing for the sake of change is another... Good Luck...



Listen To The Podcast:

Here: http://theartofcharmpodcast.com/2014/09/10/james-fell-cutting-alpha-male-bs-episode-312/