So I'd known about this surprise birthday party for my buddy since about September. This weekend I drove north to see it though. Not gonna lie it might have been the worst planned event I've ever been a part of. We didn't know who was coming, there was no main dish, and there was no help setting up. So I ended up doing most of that myself, I kept thinking to myself you can't have a party with out food I mean what kind of world would that be... Even the third world countries have food when you stop by. I decided I would try my hand at chili and a sausage, cheese, and salsa dip. I take a little trip to the store and back and I spent the next 3 hours or so fixing food, I personally think the chili and the dip turned out great.
I wait around a few hours and people finely start showing up, there are about 6 people there when my buddy and his ol lady get back from the bourbon they went on, he walks in and you can tell that he's hammered down by the way he's speaking. we're all hiding in his bar room and we hear him mumble from the living room "what the fuck???" he sees the beer pong table set up, well he walks past it toward the bar room and we all yell weird random stuff at him I personally yelled "Steve Buscemi" don't ask me why because I don't know. We see his face come though the bar room doorway and he has this look on his face like he wants to punch us all in the face, I'm pretty sure we scared the hell out of him.
The party turned out very well, lots of people ended up showing up late, I guess there was about 12 or so people there, not bad considering no one does anything any more. I had a really old college friend show up at about 11:30 and everyone is yelling lets go to the bar. There's only five of use left at this point and my old college friend is driving this small ass car (always seems like she has a small ass car of some sort) we all squeeze in to this stumpy little car, it's my college friend, my buddy, his ol lady, one of her friends (skinny chick, thank god), and me. It's my buddy, skinny, and me in the back seat I'm about a foot shorter than my buddy and I've got my head turned sideways just to be able to sit in the back seat, and poor little skinny is squished between me and him, I feel like mine and his shoulders were touching and she was just about to pop out from in between us like some sort of cartoon character. If there would have been an accident I don't think any of use would have moved an inch. So I over hear skinny saying that she almost got arrested the other day because some dude pulled his pants off in her car, and I'm thinking that's just a weird ass story I don't say much at the time. We're driving along and my college friend has to use the bathroom and my buddy jumps up front when his ol lady gets out, and skinny is going though her wallet and she says "oh god, if I don't have my wallet you're going to sit in the car with me, right???" talking to me, and I respond with a "I don't know, you might try to take your pants off like you did the other night and we might get arrested" and she gave me a little slap and grinned and said "that wasn't me..."
We finely find a parking spot down the road from the bar. My buddy's ol lady and skinny take off running toward the bar, and the rest of us kind of walk slowly there. We get there and my old college friend says she has a friend coming and we're all like "okay". I'm standing there as sober as the pope and my college friend's friend comes in rolling with a bunch of tugs, she comes over and introduces herself, I don't remember her name and honestly I don't care to remember it.
I'm standing in the back of the room just fighting to stay awake because I'm getting kind of tired at this point, and out of the corner of my eye I see this dude walk up to skinny. I really wouldn't have thought anything of it if he hadn't been holding his head so strangely, he had his chin buried into his left solder just starring down at her and I'm thinking "if this jackwagon was a horse someone would have put him down by now..." I'm starting to tune out the music and other people just to watch this show. The dude starts getting closer and closer to her, and I can tell from just watching her body language that she's weird'ed the hell out, but she's in no danger we're all standing there so it's really more of a show at this point. The whole time the werido is on skinny my old college friend is putting full court press on me, trying to bump and grind I assume, and I'm just not feeling it, as a matter of fact I've never felt it, and we've had that same damn talk time and time again, it's actually pretty annoying. Eventually my college friend walks away to talk to her friend, and my buddy wanders over behind her and looks at her friend and points at me and I'm thinking "what the hell is he saying now". A few minutes later my colleges friend's friend wonders over to me and with out missing a beat says "your friend says you have a dick the size of a pringles can and that you'd really like to eat me out, dude..." and that kind of caught me off guard to say the lest and I said "is that what he told you???" and I look over and that ass is cracking up. So this whole two minutes I'm standing next to a glass garage door next to an outdoor patio, she kicks her high heels off and says "I don't think you could handle me dude" and then she starts climbing the garage door with me between her and it, and I'm standing there thinking "what the fuck is happening here" well she falls off the garage door and I say "yea I think you're right I couldn't handle you" and she did some kind of werid ass hip movement and walks away.
I'm back on the weirdo and skinny now, she had gotten up to go the rest room and the guy followed her, and I kept thinking how strange that was to me, then another girl is trying to talk to him and he pushes her away and says something to the affect of "get away!!! this is the girl I want" and takes his hand and pushes her away, and turns to skinny and gets about three inches from her face and starts saying something about somethings that happen to him in the military, I'm thinking "damn, we've got Gomer from full metal jacket here..." I'm starting to get a little concerned at this point because the dude is acting so strange and he's gotten one of his buddies over there with him at this point. My college friend keeps putting full court press on me and I keep trying to let her down gently but she's not taking the hint. One of the dudes that works there yells "Time to go people!!!" and I'm thinking "it's about damn time, thank god..." So skinny and myself are the first two out of the bar, we're waiting on everyone else, and we see that creepy ass guy coming out. She looks at me and says in a terrified voice "put your arms around me" so I wrap my arms around her and she's acting like she's all about me. The creepy guy walks up to us and gets about two feet away (well within our space bubble) and I look at the guy and say something to the affect of "can I help you with something Junior?" (in my most dry north easterner voice) he lets out a soft mumble and lurks off into the shadows of an alley, I'm fairly sure that the guy kept watching us as well which makes it even more creepy. Then right on que here comes my buddy and his ol lady, and we're all talking about how weird that creepy ass dude dude was. A few minutes latter I'm asking "where the fuck is ol girl (my old college friend)" and here she comes out of the bar saying good buy to her trashy ass friend. On the walk back to the car my old college friend insist that we link arms and walk like the wizard of oz, I'm all like "nah I'm good" she just keeps pulling the whole lovey dovy thing...
We make it back to the house and my old college friend is talking about how she's going to get a road dog (drink to go) and go ahead and leave, she walks in the house and pours a whole solo cup of Redstag (cinnamon whiskey) and I'm thinking "here we fucking go".
Me: "You're gonna take a full cup of whiskey???"
Her: "Well she doesn't fucking care!!! (looking at my buddy's ol lady)"
Me: "Let that poor girl eat her damn cheese stick..."
Her: "Walk me to my car???"
Me: "Lets go lady..."
So I walk her outside and it becomes a "my life sucks and I can't do anything about it" party... Personally I'm from the school of "if you don't like it fuck it..." so it's really a drain on me to hear bullshit of this caliber, but I listen for a few because she's my friend. A few minutes in I ask her if I can have a drink out of her solo cup and as soon as it touches my hands I just pore it out on the pavement. Another ten minutes of bullshit and tell her I've got to go in, so we part ways.
I walk back in the house all the lights are off everyone is making their way to bed and I was all like "Fuck... Me..." all I really wanted to do was have a night cap and sit around and review the evening but that didn't happen... So I drag myself up stairs into "my room" and I notice the door is open to the room adjoining mine, and skinny is in there changing, so I sit down on the bed for a moment, and she peeks her head in my room and we chat for a moment:
Her: "Thank you so much for what you did for me tonight"
Me: "No problem but you owe me now, lady..."
Her: "Okay... giggle... Goodnight"
Me: "Night Lady..."
I'd be lying if I said it wasn't nice to be appreciated for something... I laid there in my bed for a while and we started chatting it up between rooms, finely we stopped and I was drifting off for about 2 minutes at a time and every time I did I made these creepy ass noises that even woke me up. I decided I'd just go ahead and get up and go watch a movie or something, I walked down stairs and found
Legends Of The Fall,
so I watched it. There was a part of me that really hoped skinny would come down and watch it with me, but she didn't. I have to admit that whole thing outside the bar might have been fake but it make me realize how much I kind of miss all that bullshit...
Morning came and I still hadn't been to "real" sleep, so me and my buddy started a movie marathon and ate the fuck out of some chili, and then I rolled out toward home... Have to admit it was a nice 12 hours.
