Sleep Deprivation

Today I am sleep deprived... my conscientiousness is cloudy, everything has a non-existent cast of gray to it. My hearing is muffled by the sleep deprivation bucket that I'm crowned with. The chew toy raccoon that's sitting on my desk keeps mocking me in his wide black eyed fashion. Blinks turn into micro naps as cherubs whisper the Sandman's plans into my hypothalamus while my medulla oblongata isn't giving a fuck. My Id and Ego are on the prowl and demanding satisfaction. All the while Schlomo Freud is having his way with my inner ear. Bob Dylan keeps yelling "Lay, Lady, Lay" riding a horse made of velvet fire through the tampon aisle at The Walmart, passing out smile stickers to underprivileged meth addicts buying cough syrup.

 Wait... What?

Life Liberty and The Pursuit of a Boat...

So, I was watching Quantum of Solace the other day and there was a boat chase in a third world country. Bond hops this boat that looks like a real piece of crap and does his Bond-esk thing. Then I realized if I lived in a third world island nation I would have a boat, because everyone has a fucking boat. I'm an American and I can't afford a boat… To me there’s something wrong with that picture any poor dude in any country can afford a boat but not in America. It took me seven years of work to afford a cheap motorcycle, and god forbid if I needed a new vehicle. Also by the world new I mean slightly pre-owned many times by many previous owners and preferable not dented all to shit.

I keep picturing myself living in a smallish shack in the little known Greek island Icaria. I would eat pasta which is cheap even in America; maybe mix it with a little fresh sea food that I would catch. I would be a picture of health because I wouldn't be sitting here feeling my ass grow in my work chair all day. My dog would keep me company along with the occasional Greek girl who wondered by. I wouldn't need a car, I could wonder place to place on foot or by bicycle. I could make a small income by selling Frisbees or "Traditional Greek Throwing Disk" to tourist, or maybe take a nice portrait of visitors for a small fee. There would be no need to be up early other than the occasional sunrise, because most shops on this island don't open until after noon and don't close until the early morning hours. I would be tan because that's what happens when I say outside. I would also own a damn boat...

At this moment I'm about 90% sure the old school American dream is dead to me. When I hear people saying you better work so you can retire, it makes me physically sick. What I hear is "you better work so you can afford to smile a few years before you die." I feel like we've been fed the biggest crock of shit for the longest time. Material things don't bring you happiness it's what you do with the time you have that bring your happiness. Would I like a boat? Sure I would love a boat but is it going to determine if I smile today, I'm just saying I could smile on water if I had a boat. It just doesn't make sense to me to work your whole life for peanuts just so you can have a few pleasurable years at the end when you’re in bad health from spending your life sitting in a chair. Personally I'd rather go do things now and spend the later years in chair thinking about the good times I had in youth.

A good life and happiness is free, that’s one thing they've not been able to put a price on yet, although they'll lie and say that there is a price on it. If more people would fight for their happiness then maybe the world wouldn't be such a damn depressing place. Every day I read a thousand status updates about bullshit on Facebook "no one will talk to me" "my legs hurt" "I just had a shitty meal" "I'm so lonely" "I'm so bored", Change it. It's that simple if you don't enjoy it change it. Then there's the "I can't" and to that I say sure you can. America use to be an English colony for god sake and we got tired of King George’s shit and we changed it. You eat shitty food? Cut your losses and eat better next time. You’re lonely? Find a crew, no matter how shitty you think you are there are always someone looking for a friend.

If you spent more time enjoying life then maybe you would feel happier and live a longer and more pleasurable existence. It also wouldn't hurt to live and let die, don't go around dwelling on some bullshit that's going to be forgotten in a few hours anyway drop it for your happiness. I've personally been saying "enjoy life lady/dude" depending who I’m talking to every time I walk away, and when you first say it to someone they kind of laugh and I’m sure they think well that's kind of weird, but they get use to it. Maybe it wouldn't hurt you folks to say something like that every now and then.

Well… Enjoy life my people…

Things to Do At 1AM on a Work Night

It never fails I'm dead tired up until about 10pm and in the struggle to not be a grandmother and go to sleep before ten a magical thing happens.

10:01pm: "Well I'm a wake now"

11:01pm: Bored insomnia sets in

12:01pm: Maybe if I lie down sleep will find me soonish

1:00am: sleeps not coming so let’s make the most of it

Things to do at 1am:

Come up with the idea to put some classical music on repeat. Figure out very soon that this is not a good plan because it's too loud / too fast pace / eyes won't stay closed. Next comes the phase of finding better music, you can go through your old play list and soon discover the ear candy you had long forgotten about.

1:15am: Now that you have your groove on you must get a snack, but you tell yourself it's not good to eat at 1:15am. Just this once won't hurt… you roll into the kitchen open the fridge door in your boxers and scratch your ass while debating on the cuisine for your late night pig out.

Beans: no, they make my butt talk...
Leftovers: no, they’re about a day past even thinking about it...

Freezer door opens

Hot pockets: awww yeah, but I better eat two because I'm hungry like a wolf

1:20am: beep beep beep beep beep

1:21am: burn the flesh from your mouth and lips, now you’re really awake. Fucking hot pocket...

1:30am: continue eating your midnight snack and let the deep inter secrets of your life’s ambition come out. You make your way from failed ambitions to late night radio personality.

2:08am: you're still practicing your late night radio host personality voice and you're starting to think you sound pretty good so you keep on going until your mouth is dry. Then you remember you had Ice in the fridge… yes! A cocktail that'll put me to sleep.

2:43am: Still looking at a list of cocktails that you could make, you find one but you have everything but one ingredient… Damn. Well it's too late to drink a cocktail anyway, so you could have a shot… No you go with your usual Green tea and peach whiskey (I like to call it chasing the bird dog).

3:07am: yea a radio host that's the life for me or maybe a sea captain, yea a sea captain I could travel and see the world… from a boat… and smell like fish… Na not my thing.

7:00am: white snake alarm, "what… happen… damn it's Thursday I have to go to work..." brush the booze and hot pocket scar tissue out of your mouth and show up to work like a champion...